July 08, 2009

Hope Is a Four Letter Word

If you have any interest in current affairs, you'll want to read this editorial in yesterday's Wall Street Journal entitled From McNamara to Obama.  As much as I'd like to believe that some good ideas will solve all of our problems, Barack Obama's rhetoric makes me nervous, and Bret Stephens does a good job putting the reason for my nervousness into words.

Here's one paragraph which will give you some idea:

McNamara, who died yesterday at 93, will go down as a cautionary tale for the ages, and perhaps none more than for the Age of Obama. Whatever else distinguishes JFK's New Frontier or LBJ's Great Society from Barack Obama's "New Foundation," this too is an era of soaring rhetoric, big plans and boundless self-regard, issued by an administration convinced it can apply technocratic, top-down solutions to huge and unpredictable systems -- the banking, auto and health-care industries, for instance, or the climate. These are people deeply impressed by their own smarts, the ones for whom the phrase "the best and the brightest" has been scrubbed of its intended irony.

Here we go again.

Michael Jackson Died - Enough Already!

I posted this on Facebook and received five comments within 34 minutes.  I think I'm on to something.

Okay, so Michael Jackson was a brilliant performer, and his death was sad, but I'm not spending my time thinking about him, leaving comments all around the Internet, or watching a lot of his videos on YouTube. I didn't even watch his memorial and I'm okay with that. Nor did I become a fan of his Facebook page (he's got close to 7.5 million fans there, he doesn't need mine). Does this make me a bad person?

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July 06, 2009

I Hope You’re Happy Now

[happy_planet_index_latam.gif]

IncaKolaNews (IKN) loves charts, bar graphs and maps, and so do we, which is why we faithfully and without fail read this blog every single day. IKN turned us on to this index, which ranks Mexico at No. 23 in the happiness scale, with Sri Lanka and Pakistan on either side of the Happy Scale.

Poor Los Estados Unidos, so far from God and so close to Mexico, comes in at 114th place out of 143, is sandwiched in between Madagascar and Nigeria.

July 05, 2009

Civic Duty

This morning, I joined more than 77 million Mexicans who were eligible to do something civic. I walked two blocks over to the local public elementary school, where the voting polls would be set up. Realizing that I had never voted live and in living color even in Los Estados Unidos, opting always for the easier method of voting early or absentee, much less in Mexico, I was ready for a novel and exciting experience. Right. I didn’t vote, on purpose, in the last Estadounidense presidential election.

There wasn’t exactly a crowd at the polls. The schoolyard held exactly five people looking for which classroom to enter. A guy wearing a PRD button helpfully looked at my voting credential and told me to go to the room designated for people whose names begin with “J.” He obviously was either trying to trick me or couldn’t read, because the big sign at each classroom revealed that people with last names from Leyva to Ponce should go here and those with last names ranging from Ponce de Leon to Zorro de Zavala were to go there.

A fellow lettuce farmer whose last name fell in the same lot as mine joined me, and we chat about our crops while we wait to be admitted. At the desk, I hand over my credential  to the functionary, who announces my name out loud, amazingly pronouncing it correctly, while she thumbs through the book where the photos of each eligible vote are printed. Entering the supersecret voting booth, I mark my ballot with a dull nub of a pencil, fold it, exit, and deposit it into the hermetically sealed plastic carton.

I did not vote PAN. I did not vote PRI. I did not vote PRD. I did not vote for any party represented on the ballot. I voted for no one. Nulo. En blanco.

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July 03, 2009

Which Way is She Headed?

... the world needs more "Trigs", not fewer.

--- Sarah Palin, July 3, 2009

 

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Scoop! Palin/Michael Jackson Connection

Staring at Strangers breaks the news story of the year!  Reporters are all saying that Palin's resignation is just her setting up a potential run in the 2012 U.S. presidential election.  How could everyone be so blind???  It's not about that, you fools.  The truth is as plain as day - Sarah Palin is the mother of Michael Jackson's child!  Check out the homepage of the Fox News web site.  I've reproduced a portion of it here because I am sure that this amazing juxtaposition of news stories won't be up there for long.

Palin Michael Jackson..foxnews

Some may say that this is merely a coincidence, but I ask you, what other conclusion could you draw from this revealing display of headlines?

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July 02, 2009

Slacker Radio - Yea!

I've discovered Slacker Radio on my Blackberry, and it is wonderful.  Free to download, I can choose amongst a wide variety of music, everything from 80's rock to classical music. 

I selected the Traditional Blues channel, and I'm in heaven.  Slacker Radio first served up Robert Johnson, and I knew then that I had found the real thing. 

This morning on my way to work I was listening to Elmore James perform "Shake Your Moneymaker."  It doesn't get any better than that. 

By the way, I had tried another free music service, Pandora, and it was not very good.  They tended to repeat the same songs again and again and again.  It grew to be a pretty frustrating listening experience. 

Slacker Radio is the way to go.

June 30, 2009

Go Forth?

You have got to have some sympathy for the younger generation these days. The economy is in the tank, the media regularly blasts out stories that assert that the environment is going haywire, governors are making embarrassing speeches about affairs with women half their age, and every week a new Ponzi scheme is being uncovered.

We had it pretty good in the 60's and 70's.  All you needed was love.  America was a country where anything was possible, whether it was going to the moon or becoming the next millionaire. 

So where can you look today for some bit of optimism?

LEVI JEANS allineed_1024x768

Enter Levi Strauss & Company with a new ad campaign that plays on the aspirations of the young.  Their Go Forth campaign is a sad attempt to revive the spirit and optimism of the younger generation.  The campaign's web site is littered with photos of young, attractive, and often half-naked people with silly sayings scrolled across their photographs, such as "All I need is all I got."  That will get me up in the morning - not!  Perhaps it will work on the victims of Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme. With their life savings gone, they can attempt to console themselves that everything is really okay. 

Or view some of the homemade videos uploaded by people declaring their "new declaration of independence" here.  One young women asserts, while toying with her hair, "My new declaration of independence is that (pause and small smile) . . . everything is sacred."  Behind her you can see the big letters "Waffle House" on the side of a building, which compliments her message perfectly.

I think America can do better than that.

June 26, 2009

How the Japs See Us

Credit goes to Laura Martinez at Mi Blog es tu Blog for turning us on to this Japanese commercial for Mexican food.

Embedding has been disabled, but you can watch the commercial here.

All right, so I spent the morning checking out the new Liverpool at Plaza Las Americas, snacked on artisanal Italian ice cream, and didn’t see any Mexicans marching to the beat of Don Taco.

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Jackson dies, almost takes Internet with him

That's the headline for the CNN article here about the spike in Internet traffic as a result of Michael Jackson's death.  I'd say that it should rank as one of the better headlines for 2009.

Send Lawyers, Guns and Money

Everybody wants one, but few are those who actually have one. The Estadounidense media would have you believing that every second Mexican has, or is in the market for, an assault weapon. You know, the garden variety AK-47s that are flooding the borders southward, a dozen or more in exchange for every northbound illegal immigrant, one of those balance of trade deals. And then there are those foreigners who seem to think that it’s illegal to possess a gun in Mexico. Dead wrong, of course, they are.

There is a way to buy a legal gun in Mexico.

 

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June 25, 2009

Non-Paying Clients and Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

My co-blogger wrote here the other day about the different classifications of toxic clients, as described by Adrian M. Baron in his blog, The Nutmeg Lawyer.  This reminded me of my Being Solo column in the Oct/Nov 2007 edition of GPSolo Magazine which describes the different stages of slow paying clients.

Here they are - read the rest of the column here to discover ways of dealing with this problem.

The Five Stages of Paying a Lawyer’s Bill

In 1969 Elisabeth Kübler-Ross wrote the ground-breaking book On Death and Dying. Kübler-Ross theorized that there are five stages of death: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It has been my experience that the slow-paying client goes through similar stages when faced with a legal bill, as follows:

Denial. “This couldn’t be my bill. The charges are way too high. You couldn’t possibly have done that much work for my little matter (a $500 million real estate development project).”

Anger. At this stage you’ve already explained the bill to your client (on your time, of course), so there’s nothing left for your client to do but get angry at the situation. “Lawyers are too expensive! What a setup! They’ve got a scam going and there’s nothing anyone can do about it!”

Bargaining. I don’t think I have to explain this one. “Okay, okay, so couldn’t you take a little bit off? Come on, you’re making a lot of money here, what’s a few thousand dollars less?”

Depression. You don’t hear from your client. For weeks. Finally, you work up the courage to call your client. “What do you want?” he asks, as though you were the enemy.

Acceptance. You’ll know that you’ve reached this stage when there is a check on your desk (and it clears once you’ve deposited it into your bank account).

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June 22, 2009

Complaining Clients and the Common Cold

The Nutmeg Lawyer Denny Crane takes on the taxonomy of clients, more comprehensive than the ten most likely to get a lawyer into hot water:

1. The serial client. You’re not the client’s first lawyer or even the third, but you’re seduced in the belief that you’re somehow special, possessed of magic powers unknown by your predecessors.

2. Last minute Charlie. His summons arrived a month ago, but he’s waited until the last day to call a lawyer, knowing that lawyers really love rush jobs. After sifting through discovery materials amassed in giant trash bags (because this client knows how much lawyers enjoy a good mystery), prepare yourself for the suspense of wondering whether this client will show up for trial.

3. The irresponsible and noncompliant client. Appointments are often cancelled and seldom kept, court orders are suggestions, and directions are wishful thinking. It’s just as likely that this client won’t burden you with irrelevancies such as the whole story or your bank account with unnecessary deposits.

4. Blanche du Bois. Always dependent upon the kindness of strangers, this client will expect you to make all decisions, clinging to you with all the ardor of kudzu. Indecisive waffling is far easier on this fragile soul, trapped in desperate, desperate circumstances, who’ll toughen into a Steel Magnolia when it’s time to blame you.

5. The professional victim. Abusers as well as the abused fall into this category, whose lawyer soon joins the ranks of betrayer.

6. The bitter, hostile and greedy. No win will ever be sufficient, no Balm in Gilead, nor salvo will appease or succor the wounds of these scorched earthlings.

7. The disbeliever or negotiator. Evading the real issues, fudging on the issues and hedging on the truth, this client sidesteps reality. Simple indisputable facts such as "the sun rises in the east" become subject to debate as this client blurs and distorts anything to shape his own view of the world.

8. The Principled Crusader. Cause-oriented, maintaining "it’s the principle, not the money," this client harbors unreasonable expectations that no White Knight or hired gun can ever adequately fulfill.

9. The Expert Pollster. Lawyers are a vestigial organ, a mere formality, to these self-proclaimed experts who have legions of highly skilled, much-respected counsel consisting of the neighborhood yenta, Uncle Cedric, and the Internet aiding and abetting malpractice.

10. That hinkey feeling. You just know there’s something wrong, but you can’t identify it. Listen to your gut – and to your staff

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June 20, 2009

Snorting Jell-O

Popcorn lung is the new black lung. The next time you pop open a bag of butter-flavored Orville Redenbacher, you might consider the plight of the poor factory worker who’s now hacking away with half a lung just so that you’d have something to munch during the HBO special. Popcorn lung is insidious enough to attack ardent popcorn consumers as well. Oh, so they’ve gone and reformulated microwave popcorn while I was away? Well, that shouldn’t stop you from feeling guilty and scared, just the same.

Just around the corner lurks another danger. You’d think Jell-O, the state dessert of Utah and the entire Mexican Republic, wouldn’t hurt a soul. Think again. Snorting Jell-O could be dangerous to your health. Or not.

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June 19, 2009

Grand Central Terminal NYC

Here's a simple film which gives you a real flavor of the street life in and around Grand Central Terminal in Manhattan.  My office is nearby, so I have walked the streets and corridors filmed here many times .

The music is a piece by Max Roach.

P.S. If the film loads slowly, click on the start button, wait a few seconds until it starts to load, then click on the pause button, and wait until it is fully loaded before clicking on the play button again to view the film.

June 18, 2009

When the Tortilla God Speaks

 

L.A. Eastside via Daniel Hernandez and Intersections.

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June 15, 2009

Supporting Roles

You thought Frank Constanza was joking about the manssiere. He wasn’t. Leave it to Nebraska native Julie Carmann, better known as Midwesterner in Mexico to ferret out important news you can use. That is, if you’re a man who could use some support. Or care enough about one who does to buy him one.

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June 14, 2009

Guzman was Here

Small town gossip, whether in BFE (which I’ve just learned stands for “Bum Fuck Egypt) or Hell’s Kitchen, is always juicy, embellishing some tiny grain of truth, a complexion changing with each telling.

But instead of talking about others’ sex lives and financial straits, the gossip has turned to narcos, narcoterrorism, and the never-ending cops and robbers scenarios. Last week’s robbery at OXXO and break-in at Banamex, right through the roof, they said, is last month’s news. Stale. Other topics endure, lasting maybe as long as a full six months.

You remember those deaths on the horse ranch between here and Patzcuaro, right? Well, I’ve got some more details …

Oh yeah, and that arms stash in …

And the little matter of the SWAT team …

Well, wait until I tell you what I heard happened at this beauty salon …

There are the Zeta wannabees, and there are those impersonating law enforcement …

So, what was really up with the guy who ended up dead at 3:30 a.m. (somehow everything that happens happens at 3:30 a.m.) right in front of that pizza place?

You’re not going to believe this, but …

You know that little abarrote that pretends to sell groceries but sells something else?

Narco pervades even more than idle, trashy gossip. It’s a style all its own. Whole schools of architecture have been tabbed narco. Narco has replaced naco has replaced nouveau riche. Drive a Hummer, and you’ll be tabbed a narco. Any business which doesn’t seem to be doing enough business, does too much business, or somehow just doesn’t fit in with the rest of the crowd just has to be laundering money. Is your neighbor a narco? Are you one? (Or are you a narco-facilitator, just because you smoked pot back in your college days?)

There was a time when the most damning accusation which could be leveled against a Mexican politician was to infer, intimate, suggest, and right out openly call him a homosexual. That’s just so 2000. Sexual preference just isn’t a big deal these days. Salem had its witch hunts. Today’s red-baiting is narco-baiting.

 

June 10, 2009

How Do I Get In On This?

Image: Palm tree on PalauThat's it, I've had it.  I read on MSNBC.com today that the Pacific island nation of Palau has agreed to a U.S. request to temporarily resettle up to 17 Chinese Muslims from China's Uighur minority now held at the Guantanamo Bay detention center on Cuba. 

I checked out Palau on Lonely Planet and the place is a paradise on Earth!  Here's just a small portion of their gushing review:

Palau is among the world's most spectacular diving and snorkeling destinations. It features coral reefs, blue holes, wartime wrecks, hidden caves and tunnels, more than 60 vertical drop-offs to play with, and an astonishing spectrum of coral, fish, and rare sea creatures.

But wait, it gets better.  MSNBC.com reports:

Two U.S. officials, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said the U.S. was prepared to give Palau up to $200 million in development, budget support and other assistance in return for accepting the Uighurs and as part of a mutual defense and cooperation treaty that is due to be renegotiated this year.

When do I start getting free vacations in exotic lands?  The U.S. wouldn't have to give any money to the local government so I'd be a bargain.

June 05, 2009

Hey Jude

June 04, 2009

Is this "Crossing The Line" in NYC?

In her recent SAS post, Jennifer Rose blogs extensively about what is "crossing The Line" in Mexico.  I filmed something that might qualify as crossing The Line right here in NYC.  Do you think it does?

 

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June 03, 2009

What We Do Outdoors in NYC

Get married, of course!  This past weekend I caught this photo session going on right in Columbus Circle, so I thought I'd post a photo I took of the bride and her bridettes.  I know they're called something else, but I can't remember.  Oh yes, bridesmaids!

  Wedding.Columbus Circle

May 29, 2009

Crossing the Line

The infamous Jesus clock por amanjo.The longer you live here, the closer you edge toward crossing The Line. Gangs of San Miguel took on the concept, citing me in the first line, which means that now I’m impelled to write about the lines which I absolutely will not cross. Not under any circumstances. Well, only if threatened with revocation of my Mexican passport.

Let's see: I have worn high heels with jeans, left the plastic covering on a lampshade, accepted invitations to parties and events I had absolutely no intention of attending, failed to acknowledge receipt of or thank the donor for a gift, executed the Mexican lie, and have had my hair dyed in colors not found in nature. 

A few of us might hesitate before hanging a black velvet painting of Elvis, the Last Supper, or something Jesus right in the living room, but there are even more cultural barriers. I would rather have fuzzy dice hanging from my rear-view mirror than cross any of these lines: 


    • 1. Wear polyester, which is the fabric of choice a good deal of Mexican clothing. I would never wear clothes which are too tight, reveal cleavage or bare arms. For men, the equivalent would be those shiny polyester shirts of a fabric similar to the Qiana of the 70's, usually adorned with the Virgen of Guadalupe or fighting cocks. Wait, I would never let polyester anything in my house.
      2. Display tschotchkes -- souvenirs and favors from baptisms, weddings, and the like, often in the form of Holly Hobby or childish dolls. Or homemade crafts.
      3. MAJOR LINE ALERT!!! Decorate the bathroom with decorative toilet accessories to cover the toilet seat, load bandoliers of toilet paper, or upholster the toilet tank.
      4. Dress detergent and cooking oil bottles and other kitchen appliances in clever garments. Mine are naked.
      5. Wear an apron.
      6. Apply high-gloss varnish on anything, particularly when matte or satin is an option. Mexicans love high-gloss and disdain matte finishes. It's only in recent years that I learned that matte and satin varnishes and paints are a lot more expensive than the high-glass, which explains a lot.
      7. Wear religious medals and crucifixes as jewelry or hang a rosary over the bed.
      8. Even consider knockoff Burberry, Coach and other designers. This is a capital offense.
      9. Pluck my eyebrows and replace them with a finely drawn line.          
    • 10. Voluntarily listen to banda.

These lines are not just a matter of naco; I've seen all of the above in the homes of educated, high-income, cultured people. Even people I like.


And then there's the Don't Cross the Line food:


    • 1. Jello fantasies.
      2. Hot dog.
      3. Pink fiesta cake
      4.  Macaroni mixed with ham and pineapple.
      5.  Lunch meat (possibly chopped up hot dog) mixed with mayonnaise and cooked vegetables, usually served over a tostado.
      6.  Major gross-out alert! Chicharrones cooked in sauce. Why not just serve up a dishrag in sauce?                 
    • 7. Rice pudding.


I would rather eat gopher guts in gravy than any of these Mexican culinary delights.

Don’t get me wrong: there’s a little naco in all of us. Just more in some than others.

 

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May 28, 2009

The Art and Science of Fugging

Meet Betsy and Matilda, who shop the racks of Forever 21, Bebe, H&M, and sometimes even Macy’s in search of clothing designed during drug-induced hallucinations, made in Anatevka, flourished with fleurchons, animal print, velour, rhinestones, bubble-hemmed, and inappropriately pocketed, and everything else fugesque, just to spare you the agony. They’ll try on anything our kind of people wouldn’t be caught dead in. These fug buddies have now compiled A User’s Guide to Fugging.

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May 27, 2009

Living Well

I didn't intend to post a link here to my Being Solo column from the April/May 2009 edition of GPSOLO because it addressed lawyers, but I've begun to get some great feedback from lawyers and non-lawyers alike on it, so here it is folks.  It's entitled Living Well and you can read it here .  

Eyes on the Bench

images So, Sonia Sotomayor got herself nominated to become one of the Supremes. I’m all right with that. But really, isn’t it a bit much to go off calling her the first Hispanic justice? What was Benjamin Cardozo – chopped liver? Oh, I forgot. He was Jewish. Maybe that trumps everything else. Does that mean that Sammy Davis, Jr. would be referred to as a Jewish justice were he in the same position? Or just the first one-eyed one?

I’m tired already of hearing about how Sotomayor was so damn special at Princeton and Yale. Or what her stance is on the Fourth Amendment. I’d rather learn about her answers to the Proust Questionnaire, the last five books she’s read, what kind of car she drives, and where she buys her clothes. Those answers provide more telling clues to how she’s going to vote than her record on antitrust and civil rights issues.

And while I’m at it, would someone please tell Sonia that she could use some decent eye makeup? A little mascara, eye shadow and eyeliner could do wonders for her.

 

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The GOP's Feigned Outrage

Here from today's editorial pages of the Wall Street Journal, which is known to be a bastion for conservative thought, publishing opinions of the top conservative politicians and think tank gurus, comes an editorial that actually champions critical thinking over purely partisan party speak, which makes me think that maybe there is hope for political support of bipartisan solutions and not just knee jerk attacks on "the other side," leaving open a ray of possibility that this country will not go down the tubes to the accompaniment of the shrieking choruses of politicians tearing each others throats out.

Those who followed news coverage of the "tea party" protests last month will recall that one target of the partiers' ire was the TARP bailout of the banking system -- a policy of the Bush administration that President Obama has carried on.

And yet, in a television interview last month, we find no less a representative of the late administration than former Vice President Dick Cheney endorsing the protesters' accusations with what is, for him, considerable enthusiasm. "I thought the tea parties were great," he told Fox News's Sean Hannity. "It's basically a very healthy development."

See the full editorial here.

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May 26, 2009

Weird Video

So, if you want to see something really strange, but oddly interesting, click below.  I recommend clicking on the full-screen icon to the left of the word "vimeo" at the bottom of the screen.  It reminds me a bit of those hallucinogenic films we used to see in the sixties.

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May 25, 2009

American Beauty

 

 
7,402 of 7,467 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Dual Function Design, November 10, 2008
By B. Govern "Bee-Dot-Govern" (New Jersey, USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)  
This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him. 

I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt. 

Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women 
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.
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Can the Virgin of Guadalupe and fighting cocks compete with wolves? Read on.

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May 22, 2009

Beyond Tribute - A New Way to Celebrate Memorial Day

A new not-for-profit organization, Beyond Tribute, looks to celebrate Memorial Day and Veterans Day in ways that provide meaningful support to veterans.  Businesses can register to be part of a sales building program that commits them to contributing a certain percentage or amount of their sales proceeds to assist wounded veterans.  Individuals also can make a contribution to assist a wounded soldier. 

Here's the message from their web site:

Beyond Tribute is a not-for-profit organization that has brought together leaders from business, the arts, veterans and civic groups, and just plain citizens to change how we celebrate Memorial Day and Veterans Day - to turn holiday sales promotions into fundraising engines that actually help our wounded veterans and their families. It is that simple.

Our mission is to redefine our Memorial Day and Veterans Day holidays by engaging the American business community and its customers in a national campaign that will raise charitable dollars to benefit those who are struggling with the wounds of war, including the invisible wounds: PTSD, traumatic brain injury and combat-induced anxiety and depression. Funds raised go directly to top rated charities that help veterans in need throughout the USA.

Your email address:


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