The End of the World - Coming this Summer!
I knew it! I knew it! For years now I've been worried that those mad scientists in Switzerland who were constructing the Large Hadron Collider ("LHC" for those in the know) would destroy us all when it started spitting out black holes, sucking the LHC and the rest of the world into the void. What a way to go!
I felt like some nutty person walking down the street with a big sign proclaiming in a crazed scrawl "The End of the World is Near!" But now you only have to look at today's New York Times to confirm the truth of this possible outcome from the startup of the LHC this summer.
Yes, scientists say, the LHC could create mini black holes, but they almost certainly would immediately dissolve without doing any damage.
First, let's look at the term "mini black hole." Sort of an oxymoron if you ask me. There is nothing "mini" about a black hole, no matter what its size.
Second, anything that we know about black holes is theory, scientists never having been close enough to one to test it out first hand. Besides, if anyone ever got so close to a black hole that they traveled across its "event horizon," the gravitational force would be so strong that all of the atoms making up the lucky person's body would be strung out in a line as they got sucked into the black hole. Dream about that tonight, if you will.
They were going to startup the LHC this past summer, but they had some trouble with the magnets and thus were delayed a year. A one year reprieve, I thought.
But now it looks like it's a go, for real. So here are my predictions as to events surrounding the LHC startup this summer:
1. As the date gets closer there will be protests around the world demanding the dismantling of the LHC.
2. There will be "end of the world" parties. Get in early on this one and you will look very hip. I can even see marketers creating products around this theme - buttons, t-shirts, songs, party favors, health drinks (what a contradiction there!), etc.
3. The candy and cake makers will see a surge in the sales of their products due to people thinking, "Hey, why bother eating healthy when I'm due to be sucked into the void this summer?" So start buying up their stocks now!
So, maybe I didn't cheer you up with my post, but just think, you no longer have to concern yourself with environmental decay, economic recession and somehow achieving world peace.
Stumble It!
Comments