Staring at Strangers

Crossing the Line

The longer you live here, the closer you edge toward crossing The Line. Gangs of San Miguel took on the concept, citing me in the first line, which means that now I’m impelled to write about the lines which I absolutely will not cross. Not under any circumstances. Well, only if threatened with revocation of my Mexican passport.

Let's see: I have worn high heels with jeans, left the plastic covering on a lampshade, accepted invitations to parties and events I had absolutely no intention of attending, failed to acknowledge receipt of or thank the donor for a gift, executed the Mexican lie, and have had my hair dyed in colors not found in nature. 

A few of us might hesitate before hanging a black velvet painting of Elvis, the Last Supper, or something Jesus right in the living room, but there are even more cultural barriers. I would rather have fuzzy dice hanging from my rear-view mirror than cross any of these lines: 

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  1. Wear polyester, which is the fabric of choice a good deal of Mexican clothing. I would never wear clothes which are too tight, reveal cleavage or bare arms. For men, the equivalent would be those shiny polyester shirts of a fabric similar to the Qiana of the 70's, usually adorned with the Virgen of Guadalupe or fighting cocks. Wait, I would never let polyester anything in my house.
  2. Display tschotchkes -- souvenirs and favors from baptisms, weddings, and the like, often in the form of Holly Hobby or childish dolls. Or homemade crafts.
  3. MAJOR LINE ALERT!!! Decorate the bathroom with decorative toilet accessories to cover the toilet seat, load bandoliers of toilet paper, or upholster the toilet tank.
  4. Dress detergent and cooking oil bottles and other kitchen appliances in clever garments. Mine are naked.
  5. Wear an apron.
  6. Apply high-gloss varnish on anything, particularly when matte or satin is an option. Mexicans love high-gloss and disdain matte finishes. It's only in recent years that I learned that matte and satin varnishes and paints are a lot more expensive than the high-glass, which explains a lot.
  7. Wear religious medals and crucifixes as jewelry or hang a rosary over the bed.
  8. Even consider knockoff Burberry, Coach and other designers. This is a capital offense.
  9. Pluck my eyebrows and replace them with a finely drawn line.          
• 10. Voluntarily listen to banda.

These lines are not just a matter of naco; I've seen all of the above in the homes of educated, high-income, cultured people. Even people I like.

And then there's the Don't Cross the Line food:

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  1. Jello fantasies.
  2. Hot dog.
  3. Pink fiesta cake
  4.  Macaroni mixed with ham and pineapple.
  5.  Lunch meat (possibly chopped up hot dog) mixed with mayonnaise and cooked vegetables, usually served over a tostado.
  6.  Major gross-out alert! Chicharrones cooked in sauce. Why not just serve up a dishrag in sauce?                 
• 7. Rice pudding.

I would rather eat gopher guts in gravy than any of these Mexican culinary delights.

Don’t get me wrong: there’s a little naco in all of us. Just more in some than others.

 

Technorati Tags: naco, Mexican popular culture

The Art and Science of Fugging

Meet Betsy and Matilda, who shop the racks of Forever 21, Bebe, H&M, and sometimes even Macy’s in search of clothing designed during drug-induced hallucinations, made in Anatevka, flourished with fleurchons, animal print, velour, rhinestones, bubble-hemmed, and inappropriately pocketed, and everything else fugesque, just to spare you the agony. They’ll try on anything our kind of people wouldn’t be caught dead in. These fug buddies have now compiled A User’s Guide to Fugging.

Technorati Tags: fug, really tacky clothing, naco

Living Well

I didn't intend to post a link here to my Being Solo column from the April/May 2009 edition of GPSOLO because it addressed lawyers, but I've begun to get some great feedback from lawyers and non-lawyers alike on it, so here it is folks.  It's entitled Living Well and you can read it here .  

Technorati Tags: Living well, solo attorney, Being Solo, tips, GPSOLO Magazine

Eyes on the Bench

So, Sonia Sotomayor got herself nominated to become one of the Supremes. I’m all right with that. But really, isn’t it a bit much to go off calling her the first Hispanic justice? What was Benjamin Cardozo – chopped liver? Oh, I forgot. He was Jewish. Maybe that trumps everything else. Does that mean that Sammy Davis, Jr. would be referred to as a Jewish justice were he in the same position? Or just the first one-eyed one?

I’m tired already of hearing about how Sotomayor was so damn special at Princeton and Yale. Or what her stance is on the Fourth Amendment. I’d rather learn about her answers to the Proust Questionnaire, the last five books she’s read, what kind of car she drives, and where she buys her clothes. Those answers provide more telling clues to how she’s going to vote than her record on antitrust and civil rights issues.

And while I’m at it, would someone please tell Sonia that she could use some decent eye makeup? A little mascara, eye shadow and eyeliner could do wonders for her.

 

Technorati Tags: Sonia Sotomayor, supreme court

The GOP's Feigned Outrage

Here from today's editorial pages of the Wall Street Journal, which is known to be a bastion for conservative thought, publishing opinions of the top conservative politicians and think tank gurus, comes an editorial that actually champions critical thinking over purely partisan party speak, which makes me think that maybe there is hope for political support of bipartisan solutions and not just knee jerk attacks on "the other side," leaving open a ray of possibility that this country will not go down the tubes to the accompaniment of the shrieking choruses of politicians tearing each others throats out.

Those who followed news coverage of the "tea party" protests last month will recall that one target of the partiers' ire was the TARP bailout of the banking system -- a policy of the Bush administration that President Obama has carried on.

And yet, in a television interview last month, we find no less a representative of the late administration than former Vice President Dick Cheney endorsing the protesters' accusations with what is, for him, considerable enthusiasm. "I thought the tea parties were great," he told Fox News's Sean Hannity. "It's basically a very healthy development."

See the full editorial here.

Technorati Tags: politics, partisan

Weird Video

So, if you want to see something really strange, but oddly interesting, click below.  I recommend clicking on the full-screen icon to the left of the word "vimeo" at the bottom of the screen.  It reminds me a bit of those hallucinogenic films we used to see in the sixties.

Technorati Tags: hallucinogenic, film, sixties, blu

American Beauty

 

7,402 of 7,467 people found the following review helpful:  Dual Function Design, November 10, 2008 By B. Govern "Bee-Dot-Govern" (New Jersey, USA) - See all my reviews    This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him.  I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.  Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women  Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews   Was this review helpful to you?     Report this | Permalink  Comments (111)

Can the Virgin of Guadalupe and fighting cocks compete with wolves? Read on.

Technorati Tags: howling wolves, redneck

Beyond Tribute - A New Way to Celebrate Memorial Day

A new not-for-profit organization, Beyond Tribute, looks to celebrate Memorial Day and Veterans Day in ways that provide meaningful support to veterans.  Businesses can register to be part of a sales building program that commits them to contributing a certain percentage or amount of their sales proceeds to assist wounded veterans.  Individuals also can make a contribution to assist a wounded soldier. 

Here's the message from their web site:

Beyond Tribute is a not-for-profit organization that has brought together leaders from business, the arts, veterans and civic groups, and just plain citizens to change how we celebrate Memorial Day and Veterans Day - to turn holiday sales promotions into fundraising engines that actually help our wounded veterans and their families. It is that simple.

Our mission is to redefine our Memorial Day and Veterans Day holidays by engaging the American business community and its customers in a national campaign that will raise charitable dollars to benefit those who are struggling with the wounds of war, including the invisible wounds: PTSD, traumatic brain injury and combat-induced anxiety and depression. Funds raised go directly to top rated charities that help veterans in need throughout the USA.

Technorati Tags: Beyond Tribute, veterans, Memorial Day, Veterans Day, PTSD, charity

Subway Stories

Traveling to work today on the NYC subway system, one of my favorite bands got on my subway car to play some music and pass around the hat. 

I always was impressed that there were three of them with three guitars.  Most musicians traveling the subways are solo acts - it's hard enough for one guy to play a musical instrument on a shaky train that starts with a jolt and slams on the breaks upon entering each station.  These three guys would typically play what I would guess is some Mexican folk tune, which, as a lover of all kinds of folk music, I always enjoyed.

Today they were on my subway car again, dressed as usual with their black shirts with white fringes and cowboy hats, but this time they had with them what I believe was a double bass player too!  Yes, this guy was lugging around an at least four foot high instrument from subway car to subway car!

The music sounded great, especially with the addition of the bass player, but I'm wondering what's next, a few trumpet players?  Soon they will need a conductor.

Technorati Tags: NYC subway, music, Mexican

Where Have All the Engineers Gone?

Due to all of the news about the repair of the Hubble telescope,  I started checking out all of the related online media.  I came across NASAtelevision on YouTube, which has some really incredible videos of all of NASA's activities in space. 

I was excited until I noticed one thing -  the number of views for each video.  Many were in the hundreds.  The hundreds??? For videos of some of the most amazing achievements of mankind? Throwing up cat videos get way more views than that!  Heck, I have a video that I filmed and posted on YouTube that is up to over 36,000 views! (see the video here if you are curious). 

It made me realize why we have a shortage of engineers in this country.  Young people who would otherwise become engineers have been sidetracked by video games, the Internet and all of the other wonders of technology that have flooded the consumer market.  So why bother looking at NASA videos when there is all this other tech stuff out there, including online games and universes? 

Way back in the 1950's and 1960's (when dinosaurs roamed the Earth), if you wanted to be involved with technology, you had to make it your occupation.  Becoming an engineer was a good way to do this.  You could be an electrical engineer, aerospace engineer, or even a nuclear engineer. 

But today, you only have to whip out your iPhone or hop on the Internet.  Gone are the geeks who read science fiction and had to go to grad school to get their hands on a computer.  Today computers cost as little as a few hundred dollars and are in most libraries if you don't happen to have one at home. 

So while there are still people enrolling in engineering schools, there is a whole group of people who would have enrolled were it not for all the other outlets that are readily available for their geek tendencies. 

Engineering schools had better realize the competition that they have and figure out a way to address it.  Maybe they could have an ad campaign that said, "Think the iPhone is cool?  Come to MIT and get the skills you need to design the next generation that will make today's iPhone look like two tin cans connected by a string!"

Here are some of the NASA videos that I found interesting.  I believe that space exploration provides us with inspiration, seeing what our species can achieve, and is a nice break from the parade of horrors that we typically read about in our daily newspapers.  And inspiration is important to us mortals.

 

Technorati Tags: NASA, technology, engineers, shortage, space, Hubble, telescope, space shuttle